Based on Baesics: Run Hard After God. If Anyone Catches Up, Introduce Yourself by Ernest Wamboye
Ernest Wamboye, author of Baesics: Run Hard After God. If Anyone Catches Up, Introduce Yourself, asks a very important reflective question: would you marry you? It sounds silly, but it’s quite revealing. We have been trained by society to selfishly focus on our own needs and how someone else can meet them rather than learning and growing from our weaknesses. It’s common for men and women to have lists of attractive qualities that they want their future spouse to have. What if we made one for ourselves? We should want to attract the type of person that we desire by becoming who God made us to be. If you want to marry a God-fearing man, you need to become a God-fearing woman, and vice versa.
Our damaged culture has distorted what love looks like. Movies, song lyrics, and social media photos “fluff up” love and make it seem like sunshine and rainbows all the time. Sayings like “this person is my soulmate” or “we are madly/deeply in love” are examples of toxic phrases used to describe earthly love. These phrases focus on infatuation and feelings, two things that will lie to you and are not meant to be followed. One of the most confusing and warped sayings, according to Wamboye, is “it’s like we’re meant to be.” How many couples say that and then break up? Yes, sometimes couples work so effortlessly well together that it seems like they were just “meant to be.” However, there are plenty of easy things in life that seem to work out that are not from God. When it comes to relationships, constant prayer, biblical guidance, and the Holy Spirit are what make or break a couple.
When it comes to love, Jesus is our perfect example. Love is all about putting another’s needs before your own by serving well. Serving may look like time, going out of your way, or being generous. Jesus became like us and lived a life of service when he should have been the one being served. As if that wasn’t a big enough sacrifice, he then died on the cross for the sins of the whole world to finish off his time of service on earth. The Bible tells story after story of service, ones full of life change and renewal. Strong relationships are built on service. Think about Christians’ relationships with God as an example of this truth.
Not only that, but relationships take hard work. It is not our natural inclination to have an awesome, picture-perfect marriage because of our fallen nature. As Wamboye explains, “Loving faithfully and living honourably is not a superpower acquired by slipping a wedding band on your finger. A change of relationship status will not result in a change of heart. And that change of heart requires that we work to make our relationships work.” In short, you must work to make it work. If you start working long before you get married, you will build a strong foundation for you and your spouse to grow, making the workload much more manageable for both of you. This is especially effective if your spouse has also started this process. Prepare before your relationship even begins. Take it step by step. If you desire to have a godly relationship that will last, start praying for your future spouse now. Here are some prayer prompts:
- Pray that your future spouse is growing spiritually
- Pray that your future spouse will know and use their spiritual gifts
- Pray for your future spouse’s safety and health
- Pray that your future spouse’s heart has a hunger and zeal for God and his Word
- Pray that your future spouse has Christ-like friends to surround them and that he/she will be a friend to all
- Pray that your future spouse is praying for you and that they have started working toward your relationship to come.
Relationships require wisdom and patience. If you are not married, use this time in your life wisely. There is a purpose in your waiting. God is readying you for the gifts he has in store. There are plenty of biblically based resources that will help you best prepare for your future marriage and lead you down the path of thriving in the position God has placed you in. Always remember that your identity is in Christ. As Ernest Wamboye says, “once you know the basics, you’ll be ready to meet your BAE.”
Do you believe in soulmates? Have you ever met a couple that feel they were meant to be? Read through this blog and learn how to attract the type of person that we desire by becoming who God made us to be.
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